Hello from Baehr and Curadh, a podcast from the Land Of Awes Information Services.
I love you Curadh, I love you Baehr.
This is episode 112 of the Baehr and Curadh podcast.
We're going to talk about stupid, true questions.
Are you two brothers?
That's one of our favorite questions, and we get that question.
I think it's that people suspect that we're husbands and want to have their worst fears.
Denied?
Denied.
Yeah.
They're best wishes affirmed, and nobody looking at us should know we're not in the same
gene pool.
No, I think it's kind of funny.
It makes me chuckle when people do that though, so most of these questions make me chuckle.
Which one of you is the boy and which one is the girl?
Basically they want to know pictures and your gadgets, that's what that question is always
about.
Well also, I think it's kind of telling about heterosexuals, they just can't imagine there's
any kind of sex that doesn't involve one boy and one girl.
Yeah, exactly.
So they must be completely fault by lesbians.
Yes, there's nothing to put up with, when it's all over.
Yeah, they're perplexed by lesbians, so yeah, that's another funny one.
Maybe that's why lesbians slipped out of the radar for so many centuries, because nobody
even knew they were there.
Yeah.
How can you even have sex without a vagina involved?
Yeah, that's a heterosexual right there.
Exactly.
There's plenty of ways of doing it, let me count the ways.
Oh, why don't you let us do brother show you?
Yeah.
Here's the point, here's the girl.
All right, kind of like, there's that joke, but the guy who goes to prison and he gets
to a cell and he meets his cellmate and the cellmate says, "Do you want to be the wife
or the husband?"
And he thinks and he goes, "Husband, I definitely want to be the husband."
And he says, "Okay, then get down your knees and check your wife's cot."
Wow.
That's funny, that's funny right now.
All right.
Why have you never hit on me?
I know one of those good ones, too, you're ugly.
Just because your heterosexual doesn't mean you're desirable.
Yeah.
That's, yeah.
It's normally a more polite, I'm like, "You're not my type, but most of the time it's because
you're ugly."
It's easy to that.
Okay.
You don't look gay, are you sure?
Yeah.
I get that quite a bit.
When do you mean you're gay?
I'm gay.
Are you sure?
Can you go ask my husband?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
Pretty sure.
I'll tell you.
Yeah.
That's another one that's funny.
What could you possibly do together on date night?
Once again, heterosexuals, they just can't see beyond their scope of there's a boy and
a girl.
It's like our daynights are any different than heterosexuals, we don't go to movies, we don't
go out to eat dinner, I guess.
Well, but we could.
Yeah.
We could do anything we want.
But what's happened to you?
That's what I'm saying.
They say.
You know, I mean, why would two guys want to go out to dinner?
You know what I mean?
It's a daynight.
We can do whatever we want to do.
I think that it's the next question that's the most telling about that.
Your pace for the day?
Yeah.
Who pays for the day?
Because they're so strict in their look, you know, the man always pays for the day.
So if there's two men, there has to be a big, huge conflict about who's going to pay for
the day.
Yeah.
Well, you'd be my best, my day best friend.
Didn't you get this one just the other day?
Yeah.
I mean, it's, it's kind of, you know, two of my friends, you know, two of my really good friends
are straight.
And they were talking about how they want to meet a, they want gay men in their lives.
I mean, I'm already taken, but they basically want like a gay roommate so they can split the
bills with the house chores, duties, stuff like that, you know, everyone has to pay.
So as if they had a man, a straight man who would expect them to do the chores?
Yeah.
And he would expect sex.
And they don't want sex.
They just, they just, they want a best friend, a gay best friend to help them, you know, help
make the decisions on like designing the house, but they've cooked for dinner.
Basically, you know, stuff that, basically a gay best friend supposed to do air quotes.
So, but they wanted to start a their own, their website, like a magic.com, but call it fruitflies.com.
So I think it's a brilliant idea.
I signed off on it, but I told them I'm taken so no, I can't, I'm, I'm already married, ladies.
So you can't have me, you're, you're living a gay best friend.
So I don't think I've ever gotten this question.
Why?
I don't know.
Hmm.
I guess I'm just not very friendly.
You can, you can be very standoffish.
Hmm.
You can be.
So.
But I don't think you would put up with shenanigans.
Yeah, I'd think no, no, no shenanigans.
Yeah.
Women drive you crazy.
I think, I think, I think your mom and your sister ruined you a long time ago as far as friendship
goes.
Yeah.
Yeah, I never learned conversation because I could never get a working edge watch.
Yeah.
So.
Yeah.
Okay.
Where are we at now?
Will you be my guest friend when we just did?
Okay.
No, you won't like women if you've never been with one.
It's impossible for me to have sex with a woman.
Is it?
It's completely impossible.
Because you, I'd have to get an erection to do that.
A woman is not going to get me an erection.
Yeah.
Well, it's like I've never been shot by a gun, but I know I don't want to be shot by one.
You know what I mean?
I mean, you know, I've been with women in the past and it's just not my cup of tea.
It's not.
No.
It's not sounds icky.
I mean, you said what you say all the time.
I'm surprised you can say the word of the giant.
All right.
Well, I've seen one person when you're born.
Yeah, but I was born.
Are you sure about that?
I think it was a test tube.
Test tube?
Or just a macular cancer?
Yeah.
Did your mom not have a C-section?
Yeah.
Because I could see you mean born and be like, no, no.
I don't know whose turn it is.
It's your turn.
Did some awful girl make you gay?
I wish every gay man could say yes to that and have fun even that way, but no, that's
ever happened.
Why are you looking me that way?
Just I'm trying to picture what a heterosexual, why they would think that.
Well, I have these questions are just ridiculous, you know what I mean?
They're just, these people ask them without, they can't be thinking, obviously, when they
ask these questions, like seriously putting any thought or effort into them, you know what
I mean, yeah, it's just, that's what makes them so funny.
When are you going to get over this phase?
With the phase that I love that I'm like, I get at it, I'll tell you that, so yeah, yeah,
I never heard that one.
I bet your mother gave you that one.
No.
She was completely accepting of it.
I think my mother did.
Well, your mom told you that it was unacceptable, how, what were your friends?
What were your friends?
Well, in her case, yeah, well, my friends, thank you.
It wasn't anything about me, it was all about her, yeah, surprise.
Can you imagine that?
But anal sex hurts, doesn't it?
Not if you do it right.
No, no, if you do it right, yep.
So, how many men have you had sex with?
I've never been like that.
When heterosexuals ask each other this, I mean, do they?
Um, so it's, uh, it's more of a bragging thing.
Yeah.
Pretty much straight men love bragging about how many women they've been with.
At least, I know.
I think I read somewhere that, in the United States, the average number of women that men
have sex with is three.
Well, really, then I've had sex with a lot more women than that.
That's disgusting.
And that means, you know, half of them had even less than that.
Yeah.
Wow.
Hmm.
Because I know people, I know a friend of mine, he's had sex with, with over a hundred women.
It's probably hasn't gotten that long time.
No.
In fact, okay, it's like saying you had sex with over a hundred men at one time.
No.
It's a, a period of time.
Hmm.
No.
It's not like they go to a group and they just try to, come on.
That subspelling silly is some of this question.
Maybe they're thinking, well, maybe if I was gay, I'd have more sex.
Hmm.
Yeah, maybe, I don't know.
Yeah.
And that's what goes on in their real lines.
Yeah.
Do you have AIDS?
Hmm.
Never asked.
Never been asked that.
Yeah.
That's pretty offensive though.
That.
I mean, when AIDS was, was a big thing.
Oh, yeah, that, they assumed if you were gay, you had AIDS.
Really?
Yeah.
I guess mainly because that's how a lot of people found out that their friends were gays
because they, they found out they had AIDS.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
That's the fact when people were all out in the closet, you know what I mean?
More than than now.
Yeah.
How old were you when you got molested?
Wow.
Another big assumption that you gave because you got molested.
That's when you were going to say, I don't know as your dad asked your priest.
When he raped me.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Some of these are just nuts to ask.
We're burning right through them though.
Yeah, we are.
Since you are turned on by man, do you masturbate in front of a mirror?
Wow.
You have to be so vain.
Can you imagine?
I don't know.
I know.
If you guys, you probably do.
Wow.
No, no, no, no, no, no, you have to be really, really vain.
Yeah.
That's funny.
No.
You've never done it, you've never wanted to do it.
Well, you would.
I can't say that.
I can't say that I have.
I can't say that I have it.
I don't remember.
Yeah.
And I'm pretty sure I never have.
I never thought.
Hey, I got an idea.
Let me stand in front of that mirror and jerk off.
And not something.
I probably haven't done that.
Yeah.
All right.
How do you figure out if you weren't gay?
No, no, no, no.
Can you take the ticket in your mouth?
I know.
This is another question that heterosexual would say because they're worried about something
in the back of their mind.
Yeah.
That's true.
It's a lot of bias confirmation or something like that.
So many are worried that they might be gay.
Yeah.
I'm scared that they might be gay.
You're just thinking how many ways you can answer that.
So suck on this.
No.
Have you tried just not being gay with emphasis on not not being gay?
I believe my mother has given me a version of that question.
Really?
Yes.
What did you say to her?
I don't remember.
Yeah.
Can you not be a bitch?
All right.
How come you aren't fabulous and bitchy?
There's a lot of good answers to that.
You can just be fabulous and bitchy right back to my hands with that question and just be
a complete dick.
I mean, like I don't have time to answer your fabulous and bitchy question.
So I think I'd be inclined to say, well, what makes you think I'm not?
Yeah.
Especially the fabulous part.
Yeah.
Just spin it on them.
All right.
And when you go to the bathroom, which one do you go to?
Again, people assume there's two kinds of people in the world, men and women and there's
nothing else.
Yeah.
And this is a big problem for transgender people.
Yeah.
What's that?
Hmm.
Do you still like sports?
Would your answer meet my husband?
That's another big and incorrect assumption that came in can't be into sports.
Just stupid.
Then you wouldn't even agree.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
How do you live with nilling?
You're going to be in hell forever.
It's for all the fun people around.
Well, first of all, if you have to believe in heaven and hell, and I'd say I won't be going
to hell because that's where you'll be and I don't want to be anywhere near it.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Yeah.
That's my response would be, well, you got to believe in it first.
And then that just blows up their mind even more, oh my god, he's in atheists too, and I mean,
so I'm just going to cover all the paces while I'm there, so.
But what do you mean?
You might as well be Jewish and black too.
Yeah, you're right.
Or just like, well, I got a double wife reserved for both me and you.
So since you're again, you must wear dresses too, right?
Another big assumption.
Yeah.
I remember a TV series called Soap, and Billy Crystal played a gay character on that show.
And at one point, they did a show where he wore a dress for no reason other than some kind
of stereotype that a gay man would wear a dress.
Just adding to that series of beliefs that, yeah, that's terrible.
I don't think I've ever worn a dress not even, like, in play as a child.
I have never wore a classic at one time.
That's kind of similar, but that's 'cause I was an ultra boy.
Yeah, I never even did that, so.
All right.
My cousin is gay and you must know him.
Yes.
All escape people.
We have a registry and we all know each other.
People say, like, since I'm from New Jersey, oh, I have a friend who lives in New Jersey.
Do you know them?
I'm like, it's 10 times the population of Kansas and, yeah, we all know each other.
And it's just how ridiculous assumption that is.
Oh, you work at Raytheon or you work at Boeing.
You must know my friend who also works here.
Yeah, exactly.
That's just, yeah, that's, you know, it's when you just look at them and not even answer
and just walk away.
You just, they were all part of a club that we do roll call.
Secret hands.
Yeah.
Secret handshake.
When we do roll call every day.
How long do you have to be a bottom before you can be a top?
That's another one when we, I don't know, let's start and say.
Some kind of an assumption that, um, it's like a ranking you were wearing.
Um, well, like you have to audition or you have to, uh, what's the word you try out?
Um, what do they call it when, when a student goes to work for a company for free?
In turn?
Yeah.
You have to, you in turn to be a, be a, be a top.
Yeah.
That's funny.
I don't know, let's start.
I hear, your three years are going to start right now.
Yeah.
Since you're gay, do you know where I could get some weed?
Uh, I don't even know, no, why, how, why would people assume that you go together?
Oh, since I'm gay, I'm a drug dealer.
That's crazy.
So you, you do something, well, I guess back when, saw to me, it was still illegal.
I guess it could justify it by saying, well, if you do one crime, you'll probably do another.
Yeah.
This is, this is funny.
Do you want to see my dick pick?
No.
You usually know.
Yeah.
No, no.
Yeah.
Uh, or you can always reply with you, you want to see mine?
I'll show you mine, do you show me yours?
And, and I'm, I don't have any pictures, I'll just show you right now.
Yeah, exactly.
All right.
But you were fat, I thought gay men were like super fit.
Yeah.
I get this.
Do you really?
Yeah.
It's, it's part of the, well, you don't look gay.
Hmm.
Not all of us hang out in the gym all the time.
Yeah.
That's true.
It's that part is there's a lot of people who think that of all of these questions.
These are all stereotypical.
Yeah.
These are all stereotypes that people think of.
So, is that guy over there gay?
That's, yeah, that's, I don't know, my, I've had people ask that before.
Me too.
And I'm like, I don't want to go ask one.
Hmm.
I don't know.
Do you want to know so bad?
Go ask one.
Yeah, if you want to know so bad.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Or, are you interested?
Or, it's, do you think that guy over there is gay probably because he matches some kind
of stereotype?
Yeah.
Why do you gay guys talk like that?
We don't all live.
Yeah.
That's, that's silly.
But, you know, that's, and that's when people say you don't believe that I'm gay.
You're not gay.
You act too straight.
You don't.
You, you don't have a limp risk to, you know, exaggerated expression.
Exactly.
And I'm not playing point or anything, you know, so I think it's just so funny.
It's just a lot of stereotypes that these people fall into.
And so, it's like, this isn't a TV sitcom.
This is real life, you know, we're not all cartoon characters.
So, how do you, as we know, when they are done with sex?
This is my favorite question.
You can probably, you have an answer for this, too, don't you?
Well, I think I know where it comes from.
What?
There used to heterosexual sex where, you know, the, the man is on top and the woman is
on the bottom.
And when he's done, it's over.
It's over.
Yeah.
And he, so he can't imagine, you know, one of them being done.
Yeah.
Because there's no orgasm or no, no ejaculation to, to tell him that it's done.
Yeah.
That's funny.
And, you know, they shake hands.
So, these are just so ridiculous, it's funny.
Is that all of them?
That's all of them.
We burned them pretty quick.
Mm-hmm.
So, that just shows you how laughable all of these are.
So, we can just go through all of these.
Well, sometimes it's not a funny situation, but you have to, yeah, I take it as a clean
assault.
Yeah, you have to have a sense of humor about life.
Yeah.
So, you have a joke for us this week?
I can only imagine what this week's going to tell.
What do gay horses eat?
Hey.
Is that it?
Yep.
I knew it.
Yes.
I got one.
Finally.
There we go.
You know, you've disappointed that I got one of your answers.
You should see the look on his face, everybody.
He's disappointed.
I love you.
This is funnier when you don't get the joke and I have to explain it to you.
Well, like, does the source joke the other night?
The source joke.
The source?
How does the source...
Oh, sorry.
How did the...
Yes, the other day, I told him.
I asked him how did the source survive the dinosaur extinction, and he goes, oh, I don't
know.
And in a couple of minutes, he goes back.
I said, oh, I got it now.
You didn't say a word.
I knew you were laughing your ass off, too, because I was laughing at myself.
Well, I said to you, I go, I don't know.
I don't get these.
I never get this right.
And then my five minutes later dawns on me, I'm like, oh, you idiot.
From the other room, I'm like, oh, I got it now.
We hope you enjoyed episode 112 as much as we did.
This is Baehr.
This is Curadh.
Goodbye.
You have been listening to the Baehr and Curadh podcast, a production of the Land of Awes
Information Services.
We can be contacted via email using the address podcast@awes.com.
And Awes is spelled A-W-E-S.
This show is part of the Pride 48 Network.
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