Hello from Baehr and Curadh, a podcast from the Land of Awes Information Services.
I love you, Curadh.
I love you, Baehr.
This is episode 124 of the Baehr and Curadh podcast.
We're going to talk about life lessons.
So, this should be very interesting and fun.
We're going to offer some suggestions on things we would like to pass on to younger
gays.
Okay.
But first.
Dum, dum, dum, dum.
We're giving away stickers.
All you have to do is send us an email with your address and we'll send you some Baehr
and Curadh stickers.
Mm-hmm.
I think there's either 9 or 12.
They're all different, and they're totally free, and we won't put you on any mailing
list or anything like that.
We'll just send them to you.
We've already gotten at least one order.
Mm-hmm.
Which I think I've already filled.
Yeah.
You sent that out yesterday.
Along with the show.
That was nice of you to do that.
Okay.
So on with our lessons, I guess, that we've learned.
All right.
So here are some suggestions we would like to pass on to you.
All right.
So here are some suggestions we would like to pass on to the younger gays.
Listen to older gays, even if you think they are annoying, and don't ignore them.
Gay life does not stop at 40.
I've seen so many examples of this.
Doesn't?
Doesn't what?
It doesn't stop at 40?
No.
Oh, man.
I've seen so many, especially really young gays that roll their eyes and make bitchy
comments, or just ignore them like they're not, they don't even exist.
Being hateful fags.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
There's a lot of wisdom to be learned, like this episode.
Yeah.
So that's...
In fact, I remember one guy in the Baehr club.
He dumped his boyfriend because his boyfriend says, "I'm going to kill myself at 40 because
there's just no point in living at 40."
After that...
Wow.
So, he dumped him?
Mm-hmm.
Just help him along with that suicide pact?
Wow.
That's pretty hardcore.
But, yeah, to think that it stops at 40 is ridiculous anymore nowadays, don't you think?
Especially now.
Yeah.
There aren't very many over 40.
A whole generation of gay men were wiped out.
Mm-hmm.
That's too bad, but I know...
I get silly.
What's silly?
To go to that extreme.
Well, I don't know.
A lot of it is groupthink.
Somebody trying to think of a catty thing to say.
Mm-hmm.
But it shouldn't be that way.
If you just listen, that's really all it is.
Just pay attention.
Yeah.
Honor the chain of those who came before by mentoring those who need it.
That's good advice on life in general.
The first guy that I had sex with told me something like that.
He said, there is a chain of people that go back for as long as there were humans,
of one generation of gay people helping the next generation.
Have you ever mentored somebody?
No, I have not.
No.
I've done that several times.
Have you?
Mm-hmm.
Do you think you've mentored me?
I don't think you needed it.
Hmm.
Well, thank you.
No, but now I've...
I can barely take care of myself, let alone someone else.
You can always start out with the language, the Queen's English,
because a person coming out doesn't always understand what all the words mean.
Oh, okay.
Well, that would make sense.
And, you know, tell them about etiquette,
what's expected of you and what's expected of others.
Mm-hmm.
That's not really something you can buy a book about.
Hmm.
Not that anybody buys books anymore.
Yeah.
I imagine that's a pretty good idea for a book, though.
I've seen...
Oh, yeah.
...some like that.
Okay.
Yeah.
Oh, the Gay Book of Lists?
It's pretty good.
And the thing about it is you can pick it up and read it anywhere.
You don't have to read it from beginning to end.
Mm-hmm.
And I have seen a book about the Queen's English,
but it was written from kind of like a historical view or a linguist view or something.
So, while it would tell you what those words mean,
it wouldn't put them in context.
It'd be like looking up the urban...
It'd be like looking up the urban dictionary online.
Hmm.
Interesting.
Which I'll bet all of those terms are probably in there.
Probably.
They should be.
So, you're at a bar and somebody says something you don't understand,
just not like you do,
and then go home and look it up on urban dictionary.
Hmm.
That's a good idea.
The time to come out of the closet is when the burden of hiding your true self
is greater than the benefit of you from passing.
Mm-hmm.
You do from passing.
Don't you agree with that?
Yes, 100%.
I think a lot of people have tried to define and make quizzes and whatever
to tell you when you should come out,
but really it's just when it's too much trouble to stay in the closet.
It's just too much work, too hard on your soul.
Yeah.
And eventually that time will come.
Mm-hmm.
And it's for everybody.
Mm-hmm.
So, and everybody.
And it can be forced on you.
You find a partner, you know,
and they're very out and you're not out at all.
Your partner's going to resent you not going to gay events and stuff like that.
Mm-hmm.
So, you have to adapt.
Yes, definitely.
Don't let being gay or not being gay determine your career path.
That's a good point.
You've probably never thought about this.
No, I haven't.
Not so prevalent anymore.
But it used to be a person would say,
I'd love to be a school teacher,
but I can't because if somebody found out I was gay,
I'd be fired or be hassled or whatever.
The opposite sometimes is true.
You will see guys who say,
I can't be a nurse because I'm not gay.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, forget all about that.
I can't be a hairdresser because I'm not.
I'm not gay.
Mm-hmm.
Because it's so stupid.
Mm-hmm.
So, yeah, but I didn't think of those two.
But you're right.
I'm trying to think of anything else.
I can't be a gay porn star because I'm not gay.
Yes, you can.
They call it gay for pay.
There you go.
Sorry.
Don't buy that expensive ring, watch, cell phone, or car
just to impress your friends.
I don't know that it's actually to impress your friends.
It's to make your friends jealous.
Yeah.
But because the people who are impressed by that
shouldn't be your friends.
Mm-hmm.
They should be your friend because you're you,
not because you have a fancy car.
Hmm.
Okay.
You don't look like you agree with that.
No, no, of course I agree with that.
No.
No, I agree with that completely.
Yeah, I mean, if you're attracting people for what you have,
I mean, what kind of friends are they?
And there's a lot of 10-cent millionaires out there.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, no, I agree with you completely.
So, I mean, would you marry or date anyone for that?
Or did you in the past?
Like, would I marry Elon Musk?
Yeah.
No.
You wouldn't?
I don't even have to think about it.
I don't have to think about that.
Cheating, kidding.
No, no.
Too much headache, too much.
If I did, I'd be like Melania Trump.
I would just be miserable all the time.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, you can be, you can have all the riches and wealth in the world
and be miserable.
Yeah, that's true.
She looks like a miserable person anyway.
Hmm.
Doesn't seem, I mean, just, well, can you imagine being married to that trope?
So, we'll get more careful.
You know, she's given.
She's given speeches to the gay log cabin Republicans group twice.
Oh, really?
They have invited her to speak at their fundraisers.
Okay.
And she asked for a quarter of a million dollars for each one of those speeches.
Wow.
And they're supposed to just be an honor to you?
That's the kind of friend she is.
Yeah, a million dollars, that's crazy.
Hmm.
And, yeah, I don't think Tom's, you know.
I'm worried about making her rich.
Oh, he's probably got some kind of ironclad.
Oh, yeah.
Pre-nup.
Yeah.
Well, you would think so, but you never know.
Hmm.
So.
Be yourself and get comfortable with who you are.
I think that's a good, just in common, just as good.
Mm-hmm.
Something to follow, just in general, in terms.
Do you feel like you're comfortable with yourself?
I think so.
I mean.
I don't think you always feel that way.
I mean, there's times where I don't, but sometimes I do.
I think most of the time I do, but I think everybody sometimes doesn't, so.
It took me a long time to get to this point, and I'm not going back.
I'm in security, just.
It doesn't bother you.
Yeah.
I guess I do have some security sometimes.
I don't think I'm as bad as I used to be.
Hmm.
Would you agree?
Probably not.
I, every once in a while, I get a twinge of imposter syndrome at work, but that's because
I'm, I've taken over a job for somebody who worked there 20 years.
Hmm.
Yeah, you kind of.
It's hard to be a clone.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's, that's understandable, though.
But in, in life, um, I'm, I'm not embarrassed by myself.
That's good.
The way I act, the way I look, I.
Yeah.
I'm fine.
That's good.
I, I suppose everybody could always do better, but.
Yeah.
But I'm not uncomfortable in my own skin.
Hmm.
That's good.
I think I've gotten better about this, but yeah, I used to be, I have a problem with
it, but I think I've gotten better.
You used to buy fancy clothes.
Yeah, but I mean, I'd like.
But I think that was required for your job.
Yeah, and I like dressing up.
I just, like, there's no need to dress up anymore.
There's no one to impress.
I don't.
Well, I, I guess.
I guess I do dress up for work more than I ever have in my career, but that's just
because I can afford to.
Mm-hmm.
Um, I, I've never, never liked wearing a suit.
Certainly, never liked wearing a tie.
Yeah.
Well, I know that.
And when we got married, you, I thought you were going to panic attack and wear that tie
the whole time.
Mm-hmm.
I did let you get away with wearing a suit.
You were in spoofs, though.
I did?
Mm-hmm.
I don't remember.
Yeah, you wore your, you wore your work boots.
Instead of rental shoes?
Mm-hmm.
I, I don't remember.
Yes, I, I won't let you do that since I'm such a small husband.
I remember, uh, when I was laid off from my first big job, um, had difficulty finding
work like everyone else because everyone else was laid off, too.
Everyone was laid off.
Um, I had, I broke my, or I, I had to break my record of not wearing a shirt for three
weeks.
Wow.
Uh, the third week, what broke it is I had to go to my grandfather's funeral.
Mm.
So, I had to put a shirt on for that.
Mm-hmm.
That's funny.
The only safe sex is solitary masturbation.
If you share your body with others, get tested regularly.
Do you agree with that?
Yeah.
Don't you?
Mm-hmm.
So?
Back, back in the day, you used to do that a lot.
You got tested a lot.
Um, no.
No.
No, I'm, yeah, don't follow my lead.
You, you don't, you're not getting tested now, either, I would guess.
No.
Do you get tested now?
Not that you have any reason to.
Do you get tested now?
No.
Yeah.
I mean, like, I was in the hospital last week, and I think an HIV test is standard.
Mm-hmm.
For everybody.
But, um, you know, I, I didn't ask for that.
Yeah.
Um, I, I think it's important to remember that.
Mm-hmm.
To remember that AIDS isn't the only STD around.
You're right.
You can still get chlamydia, gonorrhea, all kinds of awful sounding.
Mm-hmm.
Um, so, you, just because you passed an HIV test doesn't mean that if you get a burn down
there or a tingle down there that doesn't seem pleasant, you should go to the doctor
and get some antibiotics.
Yeah.
Have you ever gotten, gotten anything?
I, I got tested for, I don't remember, gonorrhea or chlamydia.
Mm-hmm.
Because I, I had a pain.
A burn?
It turns out that that wasn't what it was.
Oh, okay.
Um, but, um, yeah, I, I had to pretty much demand that the doctor do the test because
he didn't want to.
Mm-hmm.
And I guess it was right that, you know, it wasn't.
It wasn't necessary, but I, I felt it was.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and these days, um, they have a drug, a class of drugs they call PrEP.
Mm-hmm.
Um, pre-exposure prophylactic, prophylactic, pre-exposure prophylactics.
It is medicine that will keep you from getting HIV.
And it used to be like a pill you took every day.
Mm-hmm.
And then it was like a, a shot that you get once a month.
Now they have a shot that you just take once a year.
And it keeps you from getting HIV.
Oh, wow.
So, anybody who's sexually active.
Sure.
I mean, they, they need to do that.
They need to do that, yeah.
Yeah, because there's still no cure for it.
Right.
It's just a maintenance disease.
A maintenance disease that's still killing you and all of it.
Uh, the only problem I can see with that is, how do you remember that?
How do you remember a year from now to get the next one?
It's not like taking a pill every day where you have a habit of it.
Mark the hell out of your calendar.
I guess, yeah.
It's the only thing you can do.
Imagine if it comes down to life or death, you'll remember it.
Well, it would be nice to have a permanent vaccine.
Yeah, oh yeah.
Yeah, I don't think anyone...
And that, that one year vaccine, I think, came from research from COVID.
Oh, really?
So, um, perhaps a permanent vaccine.
Mm-hmm, is on the horizon.
That would be good, wouldn't it?
It takes years to get stuff like that.
Mm-hmm.
Tested and approved.
Yeah.
That'd be awesome, though.
You don't owe anybody sex, not even your husband.
And either one of you are allowed to change your mind at any point.
I don't agree with this at all.
I'm kidding.
Of course, I agree with this.
Yeah, not even your husband, but it's a really key term.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, there's a few.
There's a few people who live in, who are in relationships that don't adhere to that.
Mm-hmm.
You know what I mean?
Which is baloney.
Yeah, it's your body.
There's been periods of time where one of us or the other is interested in, and the other one's not.
Mm-hmm.
I have to admit, though, most of the time when you're interested in sex, and I'm not particularly interested in sex,
if I...
If we start, by the time I'm done, I'm interested again.
Mm-hmm.
Just because you aren't someone's type, it doesn't mean you're unattractive.
So many people think that.
They think, you know, I'm ugly.
Nobody's ever going to want me.
You know, I have a huge wart on my nose, and it makes me ugly.
Well, you know what?
Someday you're going to find somebody whose kink is people with warts on their noses.
Mm-hmm.
You have to hold out.
Yeah.
And I realize that I'm not...
Only certain kinds of people are attracted to me, but I think that there's enough of them that I don't have a problem with that.
I've surrounded myself with other Baehrs who find me attractive.
Mm-hmm.
In the course of my life.
Yeah.
That's a good point.
Yeah.
I think you're often insecure about how you look.
Yeah.
But you look great to me, and I guess that's all that counts.
Oh, thank you, Baehr.
And I think you're very attractive also.
I remember that first time we met, when you took your shirt off, I said,
this guy's interesting.
That's why you threw me out.
Mm-hmm.
Oh.
All right.
Be kind to yourself and others.
Stop judging your peers.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, that's good advice.
Much drama.
It goes back to that first one about trying to impress people.
Yeah.
But it's...
Sorry.
Sorry, folks.
Kind of...
House full of rambunctious kitties today.
So...
This is a good reminder in general to...
And most all of these tips aren't specifically gay, if you think about it.
It's good advice just in general.
Mm-hmm.
So...
Some people think to be gay, you have to be catty,
and I don't find that kind of judgment appealing.
Yeah.
I've never been...
I've never liked uncomfortable humor.
Mm-mm.
No, you absolutely despise...
You despise it.
Mm-hmm.
Some.
Maybe because, you know, in my...
In my high school days, you know, people were making fun of me,
and I didn't think that was...
Very funny.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
I don't see why people would do that to you.
Jerk off.
Well, like I said, you're not...
Not everybody is perfect in everybody else's eyes.
Mm-hmm.
Still.
You know, people are going to be jerks.
Okay.
The perfect person for you is never going to exist.
We all have flaws, even you.
Overlooking a few of them will be necessary to find a partner.
You think that's true?
Yeah.
And that's just good advice in general.
I mean, no one is perfect.
If you think you're going to find someone that's perfect,
and they'll fall on you, you've got to let them come in.
Well, they do say that Jesus Christ will come again,
so maybe he could be...
He could be your perfect partner.
There's still...
Even if he's Christ, there's something wrong with him.
He farts or something.
I mean...
He chews with his mouth open.
I mean, there's something.
I don't know.
People shouldn't have to be told this.
Mm-hmm.
But they do.
And I'm often fond of saying
that there are 8 billion people in the world.
Mm-hmm.
So, if you think you're one in a million,
there are 8,000 others just like you.
Yeah, just like you.
Yeah, that's true.
I never thought of it that way, but that's true.
That's hilarious.
Be the person that you would want someone to partner with.
Yeah.
That's a good point.
They say be the change in the world.
Be the change in yourself.
Be the change in yourself if necessary.
Yeah.
That's good advice.
And, um, I don't know.
Romance always comes along when you're not looking for it.
Yeah.
I mean, when I found you, um,
I wasn't really looking for anything.
Me neither.
Mm.
Well, it's just kind of happening.
You know, like a sore tooth, I'm going to go away.
And I think, you know, if you're looking for a partner,
you look desperate.
Nobody wants to be with a desperate person.
Yeah.
And, um, I mean, ours happened by just happenstance.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, we meet online by chance, and next thing you know, it's, you're moving in.
Well, it took a while.
Yeah, that took a long time.
It took a while.
But we started dating, I mean, right away.
I mean, I think it was pretty much.
It was a couple of years later we finally moved.
Yeah, but I mean, but even when we were dating, that was pretty exclusive right away.
Yeah.
But that was one.
That was one of your requirements, I think.
Yeah.
I'm not going to share.
I wasn't before.
Yeah, I wasn't going to share you with anybody.
Sorry.
But I think you've, you've, you've liked what we've, I think you like our arrangement so far.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I hope so.
It's only been, what, 15 years almost?
Something like that.
Unless you've got something you want to tell me.
All right, last one.
Is it me or you now?
It's you.
Okay.
Work smarter, not harder.
That's just good advice in general.
Yeah.
So.
Whether you're gay or not.
Mm-hmm.
I can't think of an example, but it's something that I told my father a lot.
Really?
My father, he wasn't very good at, he liked working with engines and working with his hands and doing physical things, but he was not good at planning.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
They say, measure twice, cut once.
Mm-hmm.
Definitely.
Yeah.
That's too funny.
Yeah, your dad was one of a kind.
Mm-hmm.
Well, well, is that it?
That's it.
Well, it seemed like a long episode, but I guess there was a pretty big break there in the middle.
Mm-hmm.
So.
I'll cut all that out.
Okay.
So, you got a joke for us?
This week?
Yes.
Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef?
I don't know.
Why?
Because he'll get you all buttered up and then desert you.
Wow.
That's cute.
Did you come up with that one?
I hope I get forgiveness from all the pastry chefs out there.
Oh, my God.
Okay, stop.
All right.
We hope you liked it.
Episode 124 of the Baehr and Curadh Podcast.
This is Baehr.
And Curadh.
Goodbye.
You have been listening to the Baehr and Curadh Podcast.
A production of the Land of Awes Information Services.
We can be contacted via email using the address podcast@awes.com.
And Awes is spelled A-W-E-S.
The show is part of the Pride 48 Network.
Find all the best shows under the rainbow at Pride48.com.