Hello from Baer and Curadh, a podcast from the Land of Awes Information Services.
I love you, Curadh.
I love you, Baer.
This is episode 128 of the Baer and Curadh podcast.
We're going to talk about looking gay.
Looking gay, that makes kind of a chuckle.
There's always the...
Did you have us mention the free stickers again?
Oh, I forgot to take that off the sheet.
I don't think we should talk about the free stickers anymore.
I'm pretty sure that our one listener has already asked for it.
So, people are probably tired of hearing about that.
Well, if anyone who doesn't have any free stickers, it's your last shot.
Or if you listen to the festival, you know that you know.
Here are some things that heterosexual men avoid doing because they were told it makes them look gay.
Soaring a ball underhanded.
You would know more about that than I would.
That's one of the dumbest things ever.
It's the reason being, it's because girls play softball.
They throw the ball underhanded when they pitch.
So, you don't want to be like the girls that throw the ball underhanded.
You don't want to be a girly girl.
Yeah, it's stupid.
I forgot all about that.
So, I just read this.
It's funny, that's what it is.
But I imagine there's probably...
All of these are incredibly dumb.
Yeah, I imagine so.
I'm kind of looking forward to seeing how funny these are going to be.
Having an earring in your left ear.
No, they're dumb.
But, have you heard of that before?
Something about left is right and right is wrong.
Oh, I never heard that before.
I never heard any of that before.
But yeah, I just always knew that if you had left your gay if you had a left earring in.
So, you've never heard of that before.
Yeah.
Well, there's a moment.
Don't you think maybe we've gotten past that by now?
Yeah, I would think so.
But it wasn't that real popular back in the '60s and '70s or '80s.
You look at me like you didn't exist in the '80s.
Well, I was eight.
I mean, I was born in '73.
I wasn't like I was running around town; I'm splitting my noodles somewhere.
Yeah, you've heard, and you had an earring in your left ear.
It was going with my matching gay, my print's hour.
No.
But yeah, that's another silly one.
Don't you think?
Okay.
We're in pink clothing.
Again, I would hope we've gotten over that, but I don't know.
The times of the way they've come to again, maybe we'll have to all throw out our pink shirts.
Yeah, we don't know.
We know it's going down the road, so hopefully not.
I guess I don't have any pink shirts.
Maybe I have a red shirt that got too much bleach.
I have some red underwear that's pink now.
I don't even think I have a pink shirt.
Probably not.
Because everybody told you that's gay.
Probably not really.
There's more to ask.
Yeah.
I have a real, I'm not an article clothing demand, but just not a pink shirt.
I bet you if I look hard enough, there's a pink shirt in there.
Probably.
Okay.
Parting your hair on the wrong side.
How about this is the wrong sides and quotations?
Well, I think because nobody can agree on which side is the wrong side.
I imagine just to f*ck with people, somebody will say you part your hair on the wrong side
of your gay, and it doesn't matter what side that is, they're just going to say it.
Yeah.
That's pretty sad though.
I can't imagine being determined by your sexuality, by which way you part your hair.
It's so silly.
Being a sweater is a wrap.
Is that only when it's wrapped around your waist or when it's wrapped around your shoulders too?
I don't know.
We should be the authority on what's gay, but I'm not so sure on this one.
I think it just means you're well prepared more than anything.
If it's going to get cold out, you need a sweater.
You're just going to carry it.
So being well prepared and gay, the same thing, I guess I'm both well prepared.
Let's let it go then.
You're Mr. well prepared, but hey, I brought a jacket with me today to breakfast.
Did you eat it?
My jacket?
Yeah.
Okay.
Jerk.
Being a nurse, secretary, or hairdresser.
Well, you have to be gay to do this, because I knew.
Now I'm kidding.
Yeah, this is another one of those you'd think you'd be even in the fastest, but, apparently not.
I had a male nurse at the hospital and I doubt that he was gay.
No, I am.
But he was hot.
And probably knew it.
Yeah, one of those people, the good looking, they know it.
It makes someone less of a good looking.
Yeah.
Well, being a nurse, I mean, he figured this would be another thing we'd move fast.
This, do you think?
This what?
Just being a nurse secretary or hairdresser, we've moved fast.
No.
You don't think so?
No, and those times you're coming back.
All of this is coming back.
Yeah.
It's like today, breakfast, I'm going to say something about we might need to start pulling into
where we go to breakfast at certain places, and we might need to stop eating at the red neck places.
We might need to kind of pull in our circle a little bit tighter than this.
This has been, you know what, that makes them win.
Yeah, it does.
Thinking that way makes them win.
I don't want to see anything that happened to you.
But no, I agree with you also.
But this is something we can talk about all over here.
It's something we need to talk about.
I suppose.
Yes, we do.
That's us discussing that he, no, I don't want to talk about it.
And he's going, yes, we're going to talk about it.
All right.
Are you afraid to say the next one?
You want me to say that one, too?
I'm afraid, too.
Okay, masturbating.
Oh, God.
I can't believe you said that word.
That's funny.
If a grown man is afraid to talk about joking off.
Well, actually, there was one of those network televangelists, preachers, who said,
men who masturbate are having sex with themselves, and that makes it gay.
You would figure they want to stay unless you're having children.
Right, right.
Sex is only for procreation.
Not for any time for joy or pleasure or nothing.
That's stupid.
God doesn't know what he's talking about.
Well, I say if the gods didn't want us to play with it, they should have put it in a place we couldn't reach.
That's true.
I mean, he lined it up himself, he or she or whatever it is, or if there is one.
Actually, that's a proof of evolution because the ones who did have it in a place they couldn't reach all died of frustration.
I could see it.
You know, we've gone sometimes.
I'm moisturizing or spending any time on skincare.
I don't know how these people are following these straight men into the bathrooms to know that they're moisturizing or not.
I suppose even talking about it is verboten.
It's so silly.
So, taking care of yourself or kind of routine and taking care of yourself is okay.
That's basically what's coming down to them.
Believe me, it gets even worse.
Oh, really?
That's just funny.
Driving around in a convertible with the top down, especially with another guy in the car.
Only if it's a Miata.
I mean, come on.
I don't know that I ever heard this one before, but...
But driving around in the car, convertible with the top down, isn't that what all middle-aged men with a midlife crisis do?
By a convertible?
Yeah, that or like a Jeep or some sort of hypermasculine truck or something like that, but now that's...
Yeah, the one that goes and buys a convertible and instead of his wife brings his best friend, he needs to have a talk with that guy.
He's doing some extra...
So, this one's true?
Yeah, he's doing some extracurricular activities.
He's wearing the pink sweater.
Who's this one?
His hair part is all the way down there.
Who's this one with the urine?
See, I told you, man.
All the signs were there.
Exactly.
That's one of the things.
It gets a divorce and everyone's like, duh.
Now can I get it in the next one?
Yes.
Eating just a salad.
It's okay.
Yeah.
Oh, good nutrition.
It's okay.
You're such a...
Sorry.
You're eating healthy.
That's so stupid.
It's a key moment, yay.
Let's go even further in just eating kale.
Yeah, exactly.
That's what we need to push to get it into a...
Trump's...
Itinerary.
What do you want to suffix?
Put that on there at list of questions.
Yeah.
Do you eat kale?
Yeah.
This is all these random vegetables.
Getting a vast sect to me.
I don't know how that would make you gay.
Well, I think it's along the lines of...
Yeah, losing some of your masculinity.
Because you can't procreate.
Because that's what all sex is for is procreation.
Yeah, that's...
So, you get a vast sect to me here.
You're not going to have sex anymore.
Yeah.
That's just dumb.
Don't you think?
I agree.
Dumb.
Yeah.
Drinking coffee or tea with your pinky finger extended.
Like on...
What was that movie?
It was Robin Williams and...
Missed out by her?
No, Robin Williams and Nathan Lane.
Oh, on the bird cage?
Bird cage.
Okay.
Remember when he was trying to teach Nathan Lane how to drink tea.
How to put you up in it.
Said you can't be butchered up because you stained your pinky finger.
Yeah.
Because he couldn't always fit his finger.
That's the way it...
That's just the way it wants to go.
That's a good movie.
It's such a good movie.
Oh, yeah.
We should show up watch that again.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's another...
It's another silly little...
To get the trope.
Sitting next to another guy in a movie theater.
I'm doing this as a kid.
Being this way is a kid.
I can't sit next to you, man.
It's okay.
Just...
So stupid.
I never...
So, if there were six of you, you took up 12 seats.
Exactly.
You know what I mean?
We weren't that bad.
I mean, you know what I mean?
But if there was room enough, we would all sit apart.
And just stupid.
And I never thought...
Except for you, you're the one that loved to sit right next to everyone.
Because you're gay.
With my pink sweater wrapped around my fingers.
Yeah, that's me.
There we go.
That's everyone knew it.
Because my hair was part of the whole way.
No, but it's funny, because I never...
I never thought about that for everybody.
Yeah, that's just one of the memories.
But yeah.
Well, we always do extensive research for every one of these episodes.
Oh, yeah.
A ton of it.
Eating soup.
I don't see it.
In your eyes.
It doesn't seem like a feminine thing.
Maybe...
Maybe it's like the salad, men only eat meat.
Yeah.
That's so stupid.
I just shake my hand with all this stuff.
Is that why we never see any men eating soup at a restaurant?
Or salads.
Yeah, barely ever.
And you eat both of them.
Because I'm so gay.
You're so gay.
It's okay, I believe, for the way you are.
Putting on sunscreen.
Okay, this goes back to like the moisturizing and skin care.
You should...
In public, never, never show any kind of concern for your skin.
Because that's girly.
Of course, it...
How gay is it when you're...
In cancer?
Yeah, in the hospital.
Belling cancer.
Yeah.
Not so hyper-masculine then.
Cancer's going to win most of the time.
The friend of mine did this, okay.
Drinking through a straw.
We always drink through straws.
We've got the big long mustaches that go way down to our Baehrds.
And if you don't drink through a straw, you're going to make a big mess.
A couple of weeks ago, when I went to the emergency room, they took me back and said, "You need
to take this potassium pill."
And they gave me the pill and a cup.
And I said, "You either need to get me a straw or a napkin."
Okay.
Yeah.
It is a burden.
Having a Baehrd like this.
You definitely do.
Because you do make a mess if you don't have one.
But it looks so hot.
Why?
Having the big long mustaches that hangs down.
I agree.
Talk about hyper-masculine.
A big, barely Baehrd?
Yeah.
So, being a friend of mine, like I said, he wouldn't drink through a straw because he thought
I was gay.
This is all back like a nice school and grade school.
I'm just so stupid.
So, he's gay now?
No.
He's not.
Actually.
There's a lot of signs for there.
So.
Keeping a clean home.
And we are definitely not gay.
You're definitely not gay.
No.
No, that's it.
I remember when I was asked if we could have Thanksgiving at the house and I said we would have
to clean the house for that so to know.
Yeah, exactly.
Well, and then the one time we did have Thanksgiving dinner and we cleaned up the house.
Then the one was very thankful that we did it.
Oh well, yeah.
I don't know if it ever is.
But I mean, we posted our butt for that.
And it was like, and it was like, see you later.
Peace out.
I was like, well, through this.
So.
But now it was a good time.
But there was a lot of work.
We had a lot of leftovers.
I would like to get some turkey dinner for us.
Target has a deal.
I think it's $50 for like a 20-pound turkey and name brand stuff.
I mean, right.
A potato and what's that stuffing?
Think of the name.
And anyway, it's all brand name stuff and it's $50.
Really?
Yeah.
You might have to do that.
So, we tried that at Kroger Dillons and it was their Home Chef brand of that stuffies.
No, I've had like maybe one or two kids things from a bus with garbage out.
So no, we should do that though because then we can have like our own little.
We'll have like our own little leftovers because your family is not very big on traditional.
Yeah.
But you know, we can do that in our own turkey and stuffing and stuff like that.
And so, then we'll continue.
Okay.
All right.
Drinking wine instead of beer.
I'm sure it about this.
But this doesn't depend on what kind of wine it is.
Yeah.
I mean, there's people who won't drink wine.
You know, we're wine with anything but steak.
If my wine was like fish or chicken.
So, beer is burly and that makes it.
Yeah.
I mean, this if there was a big So, idea back like in the 70s and 80s too.
You meant to drink wine.
90s people, everybody drinks wine.
Yeah.
Wineos drink wine.
Yeah.
So out of a box.
Then you need a bottle.
Just give them a box.
All right.
Designing a web page or program with round edges on the controls.
What?
Believe it or not.
I had somebody say that to gay.
Did you just like spit everything out in your mouth like what did you just say to me?
Really?
That is so ridiculous.
And this is a grown adult worker.
A grown adult of it.
Wow.
I don't know what else to say.
I guess I should have made the background pink too.
Yeah.
That is.
Wow.
Well, and that that boss he was.
He always had to find some little thing to complain about every time I wrote a program for him.
He had to find something that he thought should be improved.
That was the way he was.
So, I learned to put all these garish colors like purple and orange together.
So that he would latch onto that and say, oh, I want that changed.
And not look at the deeper.
To kind of trick them.
Give him the obvious choice.
Yeah.
That's funny.
And you've found a way to work around it.
Let's give them.
All right.
Calling magenta pink.
Most straight dudes don't even know what magenta is.
Sorry, guys.
So, this might be another programming thing.
All right.
Running without closed fists.
That just seems awkward to run like that.
Did you run like that?
I can't remember the last time I had to run.
I only run if I'm chasing something or something's chasing me.
I don't run for pleasure.
No.
I mean, it's still...
I don't remember.
It would seem to me like in parochial school; somebody would have told me that.
But I don't remember anybody ever saying that.
No, and I never ran like that.
I mean, your fingers flopped around.
I mean, yeah, I just...
This looks girly.
If you're not ready for a fist fight.
Yeah.
A lot of this stuff seems like it's more of a grade school recess banter.
You know what I mean?
Like, you know what I'm saying?
You're gay.
Never goes away.
No, I'm probably not.
I mean, we're just talking about it.
Yes, and adults still bring it up when they want to be cute.
Yeah.
Okay.
We'll go with cute.
Sorry.
Even like my comment.
All right.
Drinking sweet cocktails, especially those with little umbrellas.
Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.
Never again, gay, gay, gay, gay.
In fact, in gay bars, don't they serve every drink with a little umbrella?
Yeah.
Just so you know that you're in a gay bar.
You don't mind it.
I'm on some ice floor, but with an umbrella.
Yeah.
Um, yeah.
No, that's silly.
I mean, see a lot of this stuff.
You know people who are in a bar, do they think fruity drinks are gay?
Not really.
Like a lot of this stuff.
I mean, years ago, this was very...
When you were in junior high?
No, like when I was probably first going to the bars and stuff like that.
When I was first coming out.
Now they know you're gay and they're afraid to say anything.
Yeah.
But I mean, there would be a lot of these stereotypes you'll write.
You know, I mean feminine and they drank beer.
Then they drink food drinks or...
You can really talk to them.
That's how you know lesbians are the ones drinking the beer.
Yeah.
Because it's cheap.
Yeah.
Like a lesbian.
And then there goes our lesbian audience.
Yeah.
Both of them.
Exactly.
You're the role today.
Having a cat instead of a dog.
I thought this was true.
That's why we had four cats.
We were super gay.
So that's why you don't want to get a dog.
Because you're going to turn straight again.
Straight again, you like that?
I don't want to have to rush home from work before the dog warps on the floor.
At least the cats will go in a box.
Yeah.
That's true.
And you don't scoop that.
So...
You leave that up to me.
No.
Four cats worth of food.
It happens.
If I have to do it, they'll be vomit on top.
It's not that bad.
So having a cat instead of a dog.
Well, that's stupid.
That's just dumb.
I suppose if you're gay, you could have a dog if it was a little fufu dog.
Yeah.
Like the neighbor.
Yeah.
Who was up this morning?
Seven o'clock this morning.
He was in his blower.
Yes.
So...
It's going to be blown in the mouth of the face of the earth, so he keeps it up.
Doesn't he realize he moved to Kansas?
Next one.
Sorry.
Liking flowers.
Well, flowers are pretty gay.
Especially when they're on your bed sheets.
Yeah.
What does that mean?
Sorry, that took a second.
I think when they're on your bed sheets, but...
You had to work.
All right.
That's it.
Yeah.
Let's move on.
Crossing your legs at the ankles.
I used to think this is...
I thought those little things would be...
Well, only girls do that when I was little.
Because they're wearing skirt.
Because exactly.
But yeah, I used to think that was a little killing.
Only women cross their legs when they...
You sat as you were.
So, uh, do men wearing kilts have to cross their legs?
They're ankles?
I guess they're...
No, no man's priding when you've got a kilt on it.
Yeah.
Especially when you're going regimental.
Yeah.
Checking your fingernails with your palm facing away from you.
I've seen...
I've seen people say that.
Like, uh, I'd like that.
I don't see what you mean, though.
Mm-hmm.
No, you'd have to curl your fingers.
Oh, well.
And look at your fingers.
Like that?
With your fist almost closed.
Oh, that's...
That's the masculine way to check your fingernails.
Oh, really?
That's stupid.
That's stupid, yes.
That's very stupid.
These are all stupid, but I can't believe that you can actually
rank how stupid they are.
So, you think maybe this is the most stupidest one so far?
Running for this one coming up?
Mm-hmm.
I think they're all pretty dumb.
But running for a train or a bus?
That's maybe because you only see women do that in movies.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
I guess they have a lot of these art things that you see, like, in the beginning of...
It's like women doing movies and stuff like that.
So, you know, running for a train.
If you're freaking late, you're going to run for it.
You know what I mean?
Or walk to work.
Yeah.
So, I should have gone up earlier.
So...
I suppose you're using an alarm clock as gay, too.
Yeah.
Being on time with the work.
You know, being on time with professionals.
Okay.
So, I guess I'll continue being gay.
Liking avocado.
That's stupid.
Well, unfortunately...
Well, this one is true.
All you straight men out there, if you like avocado, you're gay.
Why?
Why are you saying that?
It's just true.
Avocados are gay.
Okay.
Oh, me and who eat avocado are gay.
Okay.
There you go.
He said, "You heard it your first, people."
From somebody who never eats avocado.
I don't think I've ever seen you touching avocado.
You using an umbrella?
I use an umbrella.
I use one.
I guess it's gay.
It's called, "I like not being white."
So...
It's nice to learn.
You need to be blitch and...
You can't go to work with wet.
Go to work with wet.
It's just stupid.
I'm married in over 30.
Definitely.
It's called ugly.
I'm gay.
I'm not gay ugly.
I'm gay ugly.
That's horrible.
That's funny, but it's horrible.
I think a lot of preachers in society in general, if you're not married to a woman by a certain age, you're a confirmed bachelor.
Yeah.
I remember before I was coming in, quote, unquote gay, that I had a joke.
I was out of the front of my mind that I grew up with.
If we were married by the time we were 30, they'd be married each other.
But... and I've heard people do that before too.
But none of it ever goes through people.
At 30, I wasn't allowed to get married.
Why not?
Wasn't legal yet.
No, yeah.
So...
Then I met you.
And it was always...
It was if it wasn't real.
I was never really going to marry her in the first place.
But...
I hope that I met you in the rest of history.
Wearing flip flops.
It was gay.
Gay.
You're gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.
Flip flops.
Hey!
Um...
Yeah.
It's...
(laughs)
No, at least it's something like six inches to little wheels.
Oh my god, okay.
Yeah, that sounds good, okay.
That sounds good, okay.
But flip flops, I don't get.
No, I don't like wearing flip flops, period, but...
I don't either.
That sound would...
Just strike me bunk.
Yeah.
Well, they're not comfortable.
They're safe.
You know, they're a fee-bad.
I mean, things are diabetic.
You know, they're...
Yeah.
I haven't gone barefoot outdoors in decades.
And the risk is not worth it.
Definitely not.
So...
Yep.
All right.
There's your lesson for the day on diabetic foot care.
All right.
Having female roommate.
I guess I can kind of see this one because what woman would agree to be...
roommates with you in an apartment.
If you're a straight man and you have access to her bedroom.
Hmm.
It's true.
Because all men...
all straight men are sexual predators.
Well, I'm just a family.
There's no list about...
So...
But yeah, it's...
It's good for me.
But, um...
Yeah, that's what all their friends are going to talk about.
Either, you know, only the other guy...
He's a gay or...
He's finding his time to get in your pants.
Yeah.
So...
I mean, it's...
It's probably true.
I mean, he's...
So...
Seeing a mental health counselor.
You wanted to be in sopranos, was that all?
That's kind of...
Oh, that was the basis of that show, wasn't it?
Well, it was...
Not that he was gay.
It was just that he was a mob boss gun...
To a...
A shrink.
So...
No.
He was a gay.
But this is all tribus.
A mob boss going to an actual shrink.
And some of the really macho...
Industries are...
Jobs, I guess you would say.
Like being a cop or a fireman.
They would never admit to going to...
No.
Close on the symbol line.
Yeah, close on the symbol line.
So, you don't want to do that.
Kind of unfortunate, because, you know...
A lot of them needed.
They needed more than most people.
Yeah, very much so.
So...
All right.
This is the one that's true.
Wiping your ass.
Wiping your ass is gay.
Yeah, and you can't wipe your ass because it's gay.
That's cruel.
So...
I don't know if the word...
See, there's something wrong with you.
There's something wrong with your parents.
Is there something to do with touching your butt?
I guess so, but that's gross.
That's...
Ugh.
And maybe they don't want to wash their hands either.
Ugh.
I hope that's not true.
I hope there are not men out there who refuse to wipe their ass because they think it's gay.
I definitely don't want to be around them.
No, no.
No.
It's so gross that just...
Oh, God.
And so many levels.
Kind of like...
washing your hands after you go to the bathroom.
It's sort of ingrained into us.
And it's because your hand got close to your...
Your butt.
Your anus.
And even if you're just urinating, I mean, because your dick is...
I was not what Jason did.
I sure am.
So, you have to still wash your hands.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
Is that it?
That is it.
So, you got a joke for us this week or not?
I do.
What does a grape say when its stepped on?
Ouch.
It just gave out a little wine.
Oh.
That's cute.
I feel bad for the grape now though.
That's a good one though.
I like that.
That's cute.
All right.
We hope you valued episode 128 of the Baehr and Curadh Podcast.
This is Baehr.
Goodbye.
This show is part of the Pride 48 Network.
Find all the best shows under the rainbow at Pride48.com.